What is wrong with Delhi women?

A few days ago, my friend broke up with his ‘Delhi’ girl. He was really depressed because he had just lost a Delhi girl and Delhi girls are supposed to be the hottest, right? He kept on saying that how there was never going to be another girl like her, etc, etc.  I asked her if he was in love with her, he said “ No, but she was  so hot.”

It got me thinking of the Delhi girls I had dated back in my college years. They are one unique breed I must say. I tried recalling their faces.  But I could not. A very faint picture of them arose in my mind and I swear they all looked so similar that they could morph into each other. If Leela had replaced Sheela in my bed, I swear with all honesty, I would not have suspected a thing and fucked away like nothing was wrong. And no, it is not because I am an asshole and I do not see how every woman is precious and unique, it is because they all do really look the same. It got me thinking if it was me who was dating the same type of girls again and again or did the girls in Delhi did resemble each other a lot?

Next time when I met my inconsolable friend with his 101 ways of how his ‘Delhi’ girl was irreplaceable, I asked him to show me a picture of her.  And boy! Was she a ‘hot Delhi girl’! If I had not met her personally, talked to her and know very surely that I had not dated her, going by her looks; I swear she could have replaced my ‘Delhi’ girls easily.  She had the standard design that every hot girl in Delhi has. The same pale complexion made paler with visible streaks of makeup, hook nose which could easily be used as a peg to hang clothes, eyes lined with kohl, dark really dark which when in the sweaty hot weather of Delhi bleeds and gives the impression that someone had punched her and given her two black eyes and pin straight hair which looked like the tail of a horse. I have had my hands bruised by the razor sharpness of pin straight hair many times when I romantically moved my fingers on a woman’s neck. They are so sharp that they can be used for fencing.

I looked at my friend disgusted that he was crying over a girl who was so ‘’ even when he was not in love with her.  He cried those bucket loads of tears all for nothing when he could replace his hot Delhi girl with another hot Delhi girl in the same model and fuck away blissfully. Women in Delhi are being mass produced by salons. These women are like cars and these parlours like their manufacturers. You lose one car in an accident; you go buy another one with the same specifications, hook nose, kohl, and straightened hair. It is as easy as that. How else do you explain the same model of hotness that almost every ‘hot’ Delhi woman sports? It is like every time a woman goes for the same model or specification, she gets a hotness certificate which reads “Aap hot hain” ( Uncle Sam style). And this certificate comes with many valuable guarantees and advantages that my friend was not aware of. The certificate is just not of value to women but to men too. While it hikes a woman’s dating value a great deal when she has the standard specifications and the hotness certificate to flaunt, it also comes with the guarantee of easy replacibility for men.  And Delhi women are to be blamed if you are slowly seeing such ‘hot’ women in the standard model at a store near you.

Delhi hot

So next time you lose a Delhi women hot in all her hook nosed, pale skin , raccoon eyes and horse tail glory, you can always replace her with a similar model. The more common a car’s model, the easier it is replaced. There are plenty being produced everyday to console men who have just lost one like my friend.

And here is a pearl of Yeti wisdom for men like my friend who are crying over a woman they only loved fucking:  It is better to have fucked and lost than never fucked at all!

Disclaimer:  The names in the article have been changed for anonymity purposes. And the author does not bear any responsibilities for any resemblance that this piece may have with the life of any Delhi woman, living or dead. If this article hurts any Delhi woman by its attack on their beloved standard model of hotness or their self esteem suffers in the process, the author does not give a fuck and they might all go to hell.  

The Rise of the Machines

Homo Sapiens have this great distinction of experiencing a variety of emotions. And love/lust is not complete without a hint of possessiveness and jealousy.  The girl you love or loved and are sleeping  or slept with, the moment you know another guy is shagging her, you get all territorial and jealous. You have this  eye to eye conversation where the other guy looks at you with a smirk that screams, “ I am fucking her like an animal… she likes it… moans and groans for me.” No matter how much you try to ignore this look, it is there when your eyes meet with this new guy. And nothing wrong I say, a very natural emotion. You know what is not natural? Not feeling it.

Yesterday I saw a friend of mine,a good fellow otherwise, with his so called ex girlfriend.  A few days ago, his girl screwed him royally when she decided in a drunken stupor to forget she had a boyfriend and offered herself to one of his friends. No, it was not me unfortunately :( . 'The friend' fucked her for a week or so like he was on a sexual iron man contest and dumped her. She seemed to like it so much that she decided to forget her boyfriend for a 'while'. So, like any man with rudimentary self respect, my friend decided to break up with her. But then keeping with her womanly fickle nature, his ex decided she wanted him back. Yes she screwed up! Mistakes were made! She said that Clinton style.So what? He accepted her back justifying her masculinity and his feminity.

Any man with some masculinity would have never taken her back and punched the hell out of that friend who snatched the pussy lying in a friend’s bed. Nothing ever justifies such a kick in the balls. And pussy or not, masculinity and self respect have to be saved from the vagaries of such sluts. But it seems I was wrong in construing his previous act of break up as a mark of self respect  because  he is so caught up being a pussy himself, he has forgotten the emotions that having being  born with a dick might bring. The feeling of jealousy and possessiveness.  He being a Robo Sapien not only took his girl back but  also that traitor 'friend' (lucky guy, wish we all had such forgiving friends). Now they all sit together and chat like nothing ever happened. In fact, they were discussing the other day as to who had performed better, who got a bigger dick and deciding the order in which they will take turns to fuck her from now on, I am kidding, right, but who knows  what the terminators are up to.
While I will warn you from ever getting serious with such specimens, they come with many advantages and you can exploit them to the fullest and as a matter of fact, you should. If you are looking for serious exclusive stuff or happily ever after, you are bound to get hurt. Run as fast as you could then. Or else, take my advice, change your agenda and wait around to make full use of the opportunity. Now, now do not feel all guilty about it (you can be ashamed for not doing so but not otherwise), they are being called Robo Sapiens for a reason. They are emotionless and operate solely on appetite and convenience. So you can do the same with them. Fuck and run for the door. And  this advice goes out to both men and slutty women.  Making it all a race for who gets their foot out of the door faster and run like Bolt. Such people are a landmine of  opportunities. Fuck them, their sister, mother, wife, boyfriend or dog, they will always understand that you had needs. And the best part is that it is quite safe because you seldom see them running around with knives...

The Sex and the City Side Effect: 30 something Sluts

One day, my girlfriend was watching Sex and the City. She was completely engrossed in it and she connected to the characters and their lives somehow. All of us have heard of this sitcom but a few , may be, who are living under a rock may not have a clue about it. I did not. I knew the name (add sex to the name and it is unforgettable) but had never seen the show. I decided to sit down with my girlfriend and see what the hullabaloo was all about. What was this freaking show all about that women went crazy for it? what was this freaking show all about that women take relationship advice and inspiration from it?

Well, it is about four 30 something single women who consider each other soul mates and men as nothing but a dildo to please them. They are trying desperately to hang on to their youths which expired a decade ago. They dress slutty and flaunt their sagging boobs and wrinkly knees. They party everyday and are promiscuous as hell. The least attractive of them all, the lawyer Miranda, has slept with 42 men and that is a tentative list. And the most promiscuous of them all, Samantha, has had every dick in New York in her and I am pretty sure is a walking case of every known STD to man. Then there is this third one, Charlotte, who acts as a precious snowflake and oh so innocent but is a slut nonetheless. Do not be fooled by her holier than thou demeanour. Once a painter only had to tell her she was beautiful and she let him paint her vagina and display it to the world. Real precious, I say! And then there is the protagonist, Carrie Bradshaw, who makes a living as a journalist exploiting stories of her friends’ sex escapades and is confused why Mr. Big does not want to marry her. I mean what is wrong with her? she is only 35 and looks like a horse? She has slept with god knows how many men? She is a slut and writes all about it in a newspapers column? I wonder what’s wrong!

Let me tell you my friends, this one little funny enjoyable harmless looking show has been one of the most harmful things to happen to women of our generation. You do not believe me? Then ask the women what Carrie Bradshaw means to them? She is an inspiration for women with her oh so glamorous and perfect seeming life. She proves to women that you do not have to be hitched at a young age to be happy. You do not need one man to be happy when you can have so many. She proves to them that every day you can go happily to sleep with a new man. And 30 years old? What has it got to do with your dating value? 30 is the new 20, etc, etc. Have fun, have sex because when you are forty years old, there will be a great man , your Prince Charming waiting at the other end with his limo and a rock.

 Zoom in on those real women who having taken inspiration from Carrie Bradshaw and group  are heading into the same direction. They are hitting the wall and have been with innumerable men. They suddenly realize that their biological clock is ticking and want to settle down. Despite all their education and empowerment, women have not learned much. And as a dog reverts to its natural instincts despite all the training, so do women when it comes to choosing a life partner. They want someone who is as educated or more educated, earning as much or more. In short, they want a Mr. Big.  But Mr. Big does not want them. They are so confused because they did everything they thought men loved in a woman. They did everything right. So where did they go wrong? I will tell you where you went wrong. Because you, nimwits, herd animals with your impressive degrees and high paying jobs could not figure one simple thing out. That Carrie Bradshaw is a utopia that does not exist in real world. You are 30 and doing everything expected of you by the media of a successful sexy woman and yet your life is a hot mess.

Because real life is, well, real. You, women cannot sleep like men and expect a pot of gold to wait for you at the other side of the rainbow. It is the ugly truth. But who said truth is always a happy pill?  You are 30+, you have already had a steep fall down the dating ladder. And what do I hear? You are a feminist who believes men and women are equal in all respects including fucking, you are further pushed down the ladder. No man wants you. No quality man wants you. You are a 35 year old slut; your Prince Charming does not want you because he has younger and chaster options. Sadly, no matter what a whore a man is and how old he is, he can always get a younger woman who has not opened her legs to every man who wanted a tour.

Men are ,by nature ,territorial animals. Years of feminism has tried hard to brainwash men out of this concept of territoriality but somehow it stays, you know. A man of 40 who has been with a thousand women can still find a loyal partner. But a woman who has been with many men and is beyond 30, you are in for great disappointment. No Carrie Bradshaw moments with your promiscuity and slutty clothes will help you fool a man to commit. Sexual consent is your privilege while commitment is men’s. Take my advice if you want to be happy. Those ugly fat old feminists with their sorry lives only want you to join their ranks with nothing more than a dildo to stuff your vagina when your skin is leathery and old. Take my advice and marry young. As you reach your 20s find yourself a good man who is fool enough to give up his freedom to bear your tantrums for the rest of his life and marry him.  Be loyal to him, to that decent man. One day please do not go eat, pray, love on him.  And If you are not married or in a serious relationship by 26, you have all the reasons to be worried sick.

Beauty is the Bitch

I was out with three guy friends bowling last weekend. There was a group of some ten friends beside us, definitely college going. It had six girls and four guys.  Three guys out on a weekend and a group of girls around, it is not that tough to figure out, is it? Of course we were checking them out. Two girls were dressed in shorts, three in short skirts and one in jeans. And the one in jeans was particularly beautiful while the other were just average. My friend Rohan said, “ Wow! These girls have brains to match their looks. Short skirts for bowling? Genius , I say.”  Another one of my friend, Pervez joked, “ I am all for shorts skirts to bowling. It’s comfortable and airy. Helps distract opponents. And of course helps us guys to see more than these girls are willing to show.” We burst out laughing. But deep within, all of us wished that it was the pretty girl flaunting her legs. After all, even the sexual predators and perverts that we men are made out to be, we still have some taste. In a short skirt, we prefer to see beautiful shapely long legs staring back at us, not thunder thighs in all their dimpled glory. But there ,the beautiful one,  was dressed up all modestly leaving it only to our very vivid imagination to undress her. And did I tell you that those girls in shorts skirts were fat? Did I say fat? I am sorry my bad, I really really meant ‘real curvy women’. The beautiful thing had less makeup on her face, while the other five girls were wearing makeup enough to paint every clown in the circus. But it is alright you know, I am happy to know cosmetic companies have now stopped animal testing. And the four guys, they were like dogs on the beck and call of these ‘real curvy’ women, bringing them food and drinks and fawning over them like they were the ‘shit’. And no they were not their boyfriends. And the pretty girl had to fend for herself.  I am telling you it is men like these that are the real enemy of all mankind as they give these plain joes hopes that they are the femme fatales and are entitled to the best cocks around.

It got us talking on this strange situation unfolding before us. If I were in that group, I would have starved those fat asses and tended completely to the beautiful girl and so had any other guy with a sensible dick in his pants. The other guys concurred. So what was stopping those other guys from doing what any man should do? My friend Himanshu had a very insightful opinion on this matter. He said, “ She must be a bitch and stuck up. Look at other girls laughing and socializing while that girl just sits there looking moody and pissed.” I am pretty sure Himanshu like every man’s guilty pleasure was indulging a little too much in chick flicks or may be Sherlock Holmes, giving theories about a person by just looking at them.

But that conversation got me thinking about the whole trend of demonizing a beautiful girl without so much as even talking to her. My friend Himanshu passed a judgment on that girl’s character by just looking at her face. He might be right, who knows? But why does this prejudice exist especially about beautiful women? When someone comes looking almost perfect, we choose to believe the worst in her and quickly dismiss her based on those misconceptions. I looked at the life of the especially beautiful girls in my workplace. They are some of the most beautiful women I have seen and having talked to them, they have been no more unpleasant than any other girl. If I think clearly, may be even less. But they carry with them the back breaking burden of misconceptions and sometimes even misery, when women bitch about them and men are intimidated by them.  I have seldom seen them whoring around ( no office liaisons to climb up the career ladder), they act in a more dignified manner and yet men rarely approach them citing various reasons. Women whenever they have talked to me about them have branded them as bitches and sluts.

So when did beauty become the bitch? In European folklores and fairytales, it is the beautiful women that have been considered the repository of virtues. Snow white was a really sweet girl, was she not? And Cinderella was always being picked on by her ugly sisters? And Ursula, the fat sea witch had this unhealthy obsession with the destruction of beautiful mermaid, Ariel. Or take the folklores of any country; they all have stories on similar lines where the beautiful women are good, kind, compassionate, brave and always ready to make sacrifices. So when did beauty, trasnform from the paragon of virtues to become a cold hearted bitch?

I think the answer can be found in the last three to four decades. Think those high school movies, chick flicks that one grows up watching. Does Mean Girls, Gossip Girls, etc, etc ring a bell to you in this regard?  Being the vegetables that we have become taking our instructions from the television ( Yes, we are all Homer Simpsons), it only makes sense that the movies and the ideas that they present to us have trickled into real life. The chick flicks and high school movies attract majority of their viewership from the womankind where beauty is indeed a rarity. Them chicks sit on the couch eating their bag of Cheetos and complaining about those roll of fats and acne on the chin screaming alone that they are no less beautiful. These movies only validate their self perception.  When they portray a beautiful  blonde as the mean and evil one with the I.Q. of a bird stomping on an average but saintly girl who eventually beats out the mean blonde to become the most popular and hottest thing ever, the couch potatoes get a hope in their hearts that something so miraculous will happen to them too. But here is a reality check about blondes, most of the breakthrough scientists and European royalties have been blondes. There are a variety of misconceptions floating around about beautiful women which in my personal experience and in the experience of guys, who actually had the sense to date them or even befriend them have been inaccurate. So next time you say that someone is having a blonde moment, think hard. Before I start with the common misconceptions that people hold about beauty, I first need to tell you what I actually mean when I say beauty. Makeup and surgeries have made beauty a level playing field to a great extent. But there is no replacement for a natural beauty.

Both men and women have misconceptions about beautiful women. Women portray them as manipulative, cold hearted bitches and gold digging whores looking for a new cock every day.  It is actually these girls who transform from average to marginally hot with artificial help, suddenly discover the power of beauty and use it to their best advantage by sitting on a new guy every day. They chase after the hot guys to gain validity in the eyes of the world, it is a statement to the world that the hot guy on their arms thinks she is beautiful. They think they are the shit and turn the good men down brutally. They act like bitches , throw tantrums that their looks do not warrant and hallucinate that every man in the vicinity is staring at them or about to rape them. Men see beautiful women as stuck up bitches who will not even look their way if they do not have a wad of cash showing in their pockets or look like Adonis. All I have to say to these guys is that grow some balls, inverting the pyramid will not make true as false and false as true. We all know you have never had a hot girl in your life because you are all wusses making excuses for you inferior choices. And All without so much as even talking to them. And then we turn around and call them a Bitch. How unfair! I say it is all a conspiracy by the men who have balls the size of a nut and ugly women to justify themselves and their choices. It is after all a subaltern narrative. I request you to go back to a conversation with a really beautiful woman and recall how it went. I am pretty sure it was in no way worse than a conversation with any average looking  woman who always boast of not being so pleasant on the outside but beautiful on the inside. I also urge you to not be such bitches by holding prejudice against beauties you see and actually go talk to them. And to those four men at the bowling alley, stop being such pussies by putting mediocre pussy on a pedestal and passing shit for cake. This reminds of a movie Once upon a time in Mumbai, where the protagonist could not get his love interest anything expensive to show his love , he bought a 10 rupee guava for 400 bucks. These guys are doing the same thing passing cheap and valueless shit  as beautiful and expensive just to hide their own insecurities as men.

So grow a good pair of balls and SHARE this post with wusses touting their average girls as the most beautiful thing ever to step in the world and beautiful women who are sitting in a room wallowing in self pity over their presumed bitchiness . God knows they need it! And if no matter how much you try but your balls refuse to grow, share it anonymously and go see a doctor...

*P.S.For those who have some balls already and have interest in the securities market, here is the tip of the  month. Make a decent purchase of Union Bank shares (1000-2000 shares) in the month of march and forget about it. Sell it sometime in late May or June for double the price. Banking sector will take slump in near future (in fact the entire market), so great time to buy.